crapapult

Noelle and I (barring quarantine) are going out tonight as arrogant competing reality-show chefs. I thought I’d prepare for the role by making something that seems quite dramatic, but is actually very easy.

Day 1:
You will need some mirepoix, some red wine, a large chicken, and some pancetta (thick, fatty bacon).

Butcher your chicken – you can see my far superior butchering skills below.
Season the parts, coat them in flour (I used the shake’n'bake methode), then season again.

Cube your pancetta. Save a little for another time, say, when you make mac&cheese.
Get it moving on a skillet, and melt as much fat off of the bits as you can. Don’t burn it, and don’t get it so hot that the grease breaks (excessive smoke, followed by burning smell, followed by jeers from your neighbors).

Remove the bits, leave the grease, and saute your onions.

“Are we making bacon and onions?” No, we’re making really awesome fry-oil. Put the bacon and onions in the fridge, and move on. Fry your chicken, a few bits at a time, to a light brown on all sides. Don’t try to cook it through; that’s tomorrow.

Wow, look at the dirty, greasy pan. Thankfully there is a delicious way to clean it. Reduce the heat, throw in a pad of butter, and add enough red wine to fully cover the bottom of the pan. Scrape the bottom until it’s clean, and keep it moving until the wine has reduced by at least half.

Stack the chicken in a dutch oven, cover it in the veggies + seasonings of your choosing. Add the roux from your frying pan, and pour in the rest of your red wine.

Cover it and put it in the fridge. See you tomorrow.